


Kindergarten Capers

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, Parody, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-05
Updated: 2006-06-13
Packaged: 2018-09-30 22:11:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10173476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: They both drank silently for a few moments before Lucius spoke, “Severus, as you are quite aware you are… Severus?”  The man in question was staring down into the glass in horror; he put his glass down on the table gently and stared wide eyed at Lucius, who stared back puzzled.“Well this is definitely going to be interesting,” Severus, commented, his eyes wide as they both began to shrink before everything went black





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

A/N: Ok this was inspired by a conversation between my friend Alternate Ending and me. It will be slashy later on, so please be patient it may take a while to get to. If you don’t like slash its simple really, no like, no read. I will laugh in the face of anyone that flames me because of this, I have warned you, if you chose not to heed this warning, then it is your own fault. Yes, this is going to be Draco/Harry Slash, it may not seem like it from this chapter, however everything will become clear later on.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Beta’d By: Adela Nightmoon

Dedication: For Alternate Ending who gave me the idea, bugged me to hell and back to write this and helped with parts of it. Thank you for the push I couldn’t do it without you.

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Prologue

Rain pelted the grimy windows as lightning ripped open the turbulent sky. A dark figure crept in the shadows towards the looming castle. Thunder crashed and the wind howled, candles flickered in the windows of the castle and the small hut that stood in its shadow. The full moon made the lake shine molten silver one second and become a black lagoon the next, as the stormy clouds covered its gloomy ghostly light.

As the figure reached the imposing great oak doors of the castle, they looked around quickly and disappeared as if by magic, to be replaced by a pure white ferret. It moved its head from side to side, checking for something, then in a flourish of white, it scuttled up the pipes of the old building. The ferret darted across the roof for a few seconds before diving through a partly open window.

Once inside it skulked along, trying to blend in with the shadows as best it could, hiding behind the enormous, metallic suits of armour, as teenagers in black robes passed down the corridor laughing, before moving on. When it reached the top of many flights of stairs, it looked around quickly, before jumping onto the banister and slid down the stone, in the direction of what would be the dungeons, in the never-ending maze of corridors and floors in the castle. Once in the torch lit dungeons, it passed several closed doors until it stopped at the end of the corridor in front of a large heavy arched wooden door, the ferret looked around once again before scratching on the door.

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The room was circular, with no windows, but many doors going off of it. The furnishings were old but comfortable, in the colours of black, jade and emerald green, silver and the occasional midnight blue. At the far side of the room one of the many doors was open, revealing a large circular room with numerous vials and jars of unusual things and colours adorned the shelves of the room, along with a few old books. A large table sat in the centre of the room, with a bubbling cauldron set upon its surface with many empty vials sitting beside it. 

Thunder could hardly be heard in these rooms, and so, a dark haired figure sat peacefully, in a black leather chair by the crackling fire, reading an ancient black tomb. The figure wore black robes, similar to that of the teenagers that the ferret had passed in the halls. 

The sound of scratching could be heard from behind one of the doors. The silhouette in the chair ignored the sound for about five minutes, but the scratching continued. Giving a heavy sigh of rage, he snapped the book he was reading shut violently and whipped his reading glasses off the end of his large nose. 

“This time I will kill that damn cat and Filch will be scraping her up off the floor for hours!” His voice bubbling over with rage, he ripped the heavy door open with a surprising amount of force, but there was no cat, just a white ferret.

“Oh no you don’t,” Snape snapped, and swung the door shut as fast as possible, however the ferret was considerably faster and in a flash of white, the ferret was inside the room before the door was even halfway shut. Once inside it scurried its way up the figures leg.

“Get off of me, you undignified animal!” he hissed, and was answered with a sharp nip on the hand. 

Before he could retort, the ferret was gone and in its place stood a smirking, tall, blonde haired man with an unprecedented air of aristocracy and dignity, “Really Severus, that’s no way to treat your guests” Lucius drawled, smoothing the front of his extremely expensive black silk robes gently. 

“And that’s no way to make an impromptu appearance, Lucius,” Severus snapped, moving to sit back down again, glaring at the man. “I assume you’re not here for pleasantries, Lucius, so please cut to the point, I have much to do,” he stated coldly. 

“Alas, no Severus, although it has been a while since we last spoke, I remember when we used to be friends, aren’t you even going to offer me a drink?” Lucius asked, raising a regal eyebrow. 

Severus glared squarely at the man, knowing he wasn’t going to continue until he got his drink. Sighing dismissively, he opened a dark oak cabinet on the other side of the magnificent fireplace and selected his favourite bottle of whiskey. Poring two glasses he handed one to Lucius, who accepted it graciously and sat down in the chair he had previously occupied. Lucius sent Severus a disproving glare, before conjured himself a chair, similar to the one that Severus occupied, across from his begrudging host. 

They both drank silently for a few moments before Lucius spoke, “Severus, as you are quite aware you are… Severus?” The man in question was staring down into the glass in horror; he put his glass down on the table gently and stared wide eyed at Lucius, who stared back puzzled.

“Well this is definitely going to be interesting,” Severus, commented, his eyes wide as they both began to shrink before everything went black. 

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A/N: Read and Review please! Ok the next chapter maybe up soon, but I wouldn’t hold your breath, considering how long this chapter took me to write. 

~*SilverShadow*~


	2. Chapter One

A/N ok here is the second instalment of the story, I hope everyone enjoys it. I couldn’t resist putting in some parts they were just begging to be put in.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any characters or the world of Harry Potter they all belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling and the rest of the people who are lucky enough to own the rights to them. I make no money off this; I only get the enjoyment of playing with the characters and returning them relatively unharmed, well apart from the few mental scars they shall bare after I am through with them.

Beta’d by: Adela Nightmoon thanks you have been a great help

Dedication: To Doodles the Duck (just don’t ask) who made me laugh while doing this, gave me ideas and also bugged me to get this chapter finished and up loaded.

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Chapter 1

Thunder and lightening crashed overhead but no rain fell, leaves crunched underfoot and twigs scratched at the skin. The smell of fresh blood flowed through the air, overhead owls hooted and bats squeak in the shadowy canopy of darkness. Only in a single clearing did the gloomy moonlight peak through but this also brought the cold, unforgiving mist that blanketed everything. A lone dead tree stood within the clearing, blood dripping from its branches, where a solitary black crow cried. A silhouette hung against the silvery backdrop of a single birch tree at the edge of the clearing, blood dripping from the gaping wounds all over the silhouettes body. Drip...Drip...Drip...then nothing, deafening silence filled the forest, nothing dared to make a sound. A twig cracked behind and the sensation of whirling to check what it was. A deer, a simple harmless deer, air rushes from someone’s lungs in relief. Suddenly a dark figure emerges from the shadows and clutches at a neck trying to squeeze all life from it.

A teenage boy shot up screaming as lightening hit the tower he was in. His breathing rapid, he looked around quickly, searching for something, while clutching his neck. He sighed in relief when he registered the closed, crystal blue glowing drapes that surrounded him. The boy massaged his temples as if his head hurt while picking up his wand in his right hand. The drapes immediately turned to burgundy and pulled back to reveal four other four-poster beds all with their drapes drawn, snoring filled the once silent room as the little silent bubble broke with a wave of the boys wand. 

Thunder rolled outside the steamy window relentlessly as he sat there for a few seconds before throwing off the blankets and heading for the trunk at the end of his bed. He retrieved a silvery cloak and a tatty piece of parchment before exiting the room through the partly concealed door. ‘I need headache potion’ he thought as he reached the common room and activated the parchment by pointing his wand at it and muttering something under his breath. 

He immediately flipped to the dungeon section of the castle and searched the rooms there for the name ‘Severus Snape’ accompanied by a tiny person. Locating the person and name in the common room of his personal quarters. He was shocked to find it still, with a tiny speech bubble indicating that the figure was asleep, however what shocked him more was that in the same room was the tiny figure labelled ‘Lucius Malfoy’ who was sleeping also.

“Lucius?” Harry hissed double-checking the map in his hands. Sure enough the label clearly read Lucius Malfoy, with no further hesitation Harry turned pulling on his invisibility cloak and sped down to Snape’s private quarters as fast as possible, trying to avoid the ever vigilant and annoying caretaker Filch and his even more annoying feline companion Mrs Norris. 

When he reached the room he quickly stated the password and opened it saw the sight before him, shook his head, shut the door quickly and then opened it again not believing the scene before him. Twice more he did this before finally opening the door and stepping inside and pinching himself.

“Ow! This has to be a dream” the boy pinched himself again this time harder than the first which only succeeded to make him yell “OW” louder than before disturbing a small blond boy who was lying in the chair that on the map Lucius was supposed to be occupying. Both Lucius and Severus were gone however and in there places were two small boys of about two.

As the boy who was supposed to be Lucius stirred and opened his big grey eye, the teen drew his wand pointing it at the boy, whose eyes immediately began to water. This commotion awoke the other sleeping boy in the room who looked exactly like the older version of Snape except with a button nose, baby soft raven coloured hair and large innocent eyes which started to water at the sight of Harry and started sucking his thumb.

“Oh, my…” Harry stood speechlessly staring at the two children. Lucius made a small whimpering noise which steadily grew until he started wailing, Harry instantly moved over to Lucius who cried even louder now, panicking not knowing what to do, he looked over towards Snape, or what once was the scathing potions master for help, however the small boy was hiding behind the chair that he had woken up in, teary eyed. Harry bent down and picked Lucius up, rubbing small, awkwardly, soothing circles on his back. Upon being picked up Lucius automatically clung to Harry’s grey sleeveless t-shirt with the superman logo on it that he wore to bed, burying his face in it making it wet and snotty. 

Harry stood there for a few moments holding Lucius until the child in his arms calmed down, Severus had since moved over to Harry and was clutching innocently on the front of Harry’s black jogging pants with one hand while continuing to suck the thumb of his right hand. The teen soon realised that both boys had robes on that were far to big for them, so he quickly shrunk Snape’s robes and just wound Lucius’s around him, as he refused to let Harry put him down, instead just clinging tighter when he tried. 

Spotting the door to Snape’s private potions room open Harry began to walk awkwardly over to the room, which was a hard feat considering he was carrying one child and had another essentially attached to his leg. When he reached the potions lab he grabbed a pain-relieving potion, downed it and began walking considerably more easily to the door. 

“What? Severus…NO!” he raced over to stop the child before he put an ingredient into one of the cauldrons that were bubbling on the table in the middle of the room. He gripped the now teary-eyed professor’s hand and walked towards the outer door, invisibility cloak and map forgotten, as Lucius watched in fascination from his position in Harry’s arms.

“Ok, let’s go see Professor Dumbledore shall we? Let’s see if he can sort out this mess,” Harry mumbled as he walked up from the dark dungeons into the well-lit entrance hall. They got up the main set of stairs and along two corridors before Severus took too much interest in the suits of armour they passed and knocked one of the helmets off the nearest suit of armour by leaning on it.

Harry made a grab for the falling helmet with both hands forgetting that he was carrying Lucius and so dropping the small blond boy in his attempt to save the large crash that would happen when the helmet eventually collided with the floor when he did not catch it in time. At the same time Lucius collided with the stone floor and a loud crack resounded from his left arm however this could not be heard over the helmet. Lucius began to cry louder and more forcefully than ever as the pain resonated through his body.

Harry sat down on the cold floor next to Lucius and examined the crying boy, “I’m sorry Lucius, where does it hurt?” At the question Lucius tried to move his left arm which he was cradling with his right only for the pain to increase and make him cry even harder if that was possible. While Harry tended to Lucius checking for other injuries other than his arm Severus decided that he like the helmet and it would be fun to try it on. Fortunately the helmet was slightly too small for his head and so he couldn’t get it on, but unfortunately for Harry this upset Severus and he began to cry almost as loudly as Lucius. 

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked Severus confused as to the reason why he was crying just as someone walked around the corner at the far end of the corridor attracted by the commotion. “We’ll go see Madam Pomfrey after we’ve gone to see Professor Dumbledore” Harry stated as he rubbed soothing circles on both Severus’ and Lucius’ backs. 

“Mr Potter, what are you doing out of bed, 20 points from Gryffindor for being out of bed after curfew and another 20 points for destroying school property. Why do you have two children and where ever did you get them from?” Professor McGonagall’s serious tone resonating off of the stone walls making them echo and scare Lucius who moved in closer to Harry for protection, Severus just glared at McGonagall exactly like the older Snape would have.

“Professorididntdoanythingijustfoundthemlikethiswheniwenttosnapesquartersafteranightmareididntdoanything” Harry babbled in one breath, panting afterwards.

“Mr Potter I cannot understand people when they talk a mile a minute, please explain again but this time, take breaths” Lucius began to whimper and cry when McGonagall tried to touch him trying to shrink further into Harry’s side. She looked perplexed and then noticed the small raven-haired boy who was glaring defiantly at her.   
“Severus? My you have gotten yourself into some trouble, explain Mr Potter,” she smirked trying to contain her laughter only managing to make her shoulders shake with the amusement.

“Yes professor, well you see I found them like this when I went to Professor Snape’s quarter’s for a headache potion after a nightmare and thought I should bring them to Professor Dumbledore but…well this happened. I didn’t do anything I swear” Harry explained pathetically, looking at the floor.

Professor McGonagall could no longer contain the laughter she was suppressing and once she released it she couldn’t stop herself, it didn’t help that she kept looking at the source of her hysterical laughter. “C…Come…Pot…Potter” she tried to say but her speech was broken by her laughter and panting from lack of oxygen, before turning and walking down the corridor still laughing hysterically.

Harry struggled to get up while carrying Lucius, getting half way up a few times before falling back down and once finally up, held out his hand for Severus to take, who took it while still glaring at Professor McGonagall’s back. 

The walk to Professor Dumbledore’s office was uneventful apart from the brief encounter with Filch who was delighted at the thought that he had caught a student out of bed after curfew but his hopes of locking Harry in the dungeon were soon dashed when Professor McGonagall came back around the corner to find why he had disappeared.

After a 10 minutes trek through the castle the finally reached the gargoyle which Professor Dumbledore’s office was hidden behind. McGonagall had only marginally calm down from laughing but still had the occasional giggle. She stated the password,   
“Jelly Babies Milk Bottles” which were obviously the Headmaster’s favourite sweets this week.

He entered to find Dumbledore already awake, he seemed almost happy to see baby Snape, but his attention shifted to Lucius how was clinging to Harry tightly. “Well. Lucius, you have got your self into quite a mess haven’t you,” he said softly gesturing for Harry to put him down and let him shrink his robes too. Snape was now thoroughly fascinated in Fawkes who squawked warningly as Snape tried to grab his tail.

“I didn’t do it I just found them” Harry said feverishly watching Lucius take a handful of sweet and start to get into a sticky mess.

“Where did you find them Minerva?” Dumbledore asked the smirking woman who sat across from him.

“I found Mr. Potter and the children on the second floor with one of the suits of armours helmets missing” she managed to stop herself from bursting into laughter as she remembered the scene.

“And where did you find them Harry as I am sure they were not in Gryffindor Tower?” the headmasters eyes twinkled with amusement as Lucius climbed up onto Harry, curled up against his chest and Harry instinctively put his arm around the small blond drawing soothing circles on his back.

“Well you see I found them like this when I went to Professor Snape’s quarter’s for a headache potion after a nightmare and thought I should bring them to Professor Dumbledore but…well the incident in the corridor happened and then Professor McGonagall showed up and brought me up here” Harry rushed out in explanation.

“I see and when was this?” Dumbledore smirked as he watched Snape out the corner of his eye play with one of the many sparkly magical items that he kept on the surfaces around the room.

“About half an hour ago, sir” Harry shuffled his feet disturbing Lucius who cuddled into him more.

“I see” Dumbledore chuckled to himself, “How old are you Mr Malfoy, Severus?”

Lucius lazily held up two fingers while cuddling into Harry’s chest more, Severus answered the same age but voiced his answer.

“Well, thank you. I think that for tonight, you take them with you to Gryffindor Tower Harry and for the foreseeable future they shall remain in your care. Minerva will arrange for the extra bed to be placed in your dormitory, they will go to all of your classes with you, tomorrow however you will have an order escort to go to London to collect all of the things you may need for them,” he stated calmly with the annoying twinkle in his blue eyes.

“Professor, sir, I can’t just take Snape and Malfoy’s dad into the tower with me!” Harry almost shouted hysterically but stopped himself at the last minute when Lucius shifted against him. 

“I’m afraid that you must, Lucius is very attached to you Harry and I believe Severus to be also, if the glares that he has been sending toward Minerva and myself are anything to go by. They will remain with you until we figure out how and why this has happened and we come up with a solution, now if you would excuse me I have order business to attend to, good luck and good night Harry” with that the headmaster headed out of his office door nodding to Minerva as he passed her.

“Hawwy, sleepy” Severus rubbed his eyes tiredly clutching Harry’s arm.

“Ok we’ll just go to the infirmary and get Lucius’ arm looked at OK?” Harry asked quietly so not to wake the now sleeping boy in his arms.

“Ok” he answered tiredly around the thumb he was sucking.

“Mr. Potter you must go now, you have a long day ahead of you, and I shall start making the arrangements for them, Good night.” She sniggered as Harry walked passed her and out of the room, carrying Lucius and holding onto a very tired Severus who was sucking his thumb adorably. ‘I have to get a photo of that’ she thought as she moved toward the desk to make the necessary arrangements for the day ahead and possibly the weeks that this would continue on for.

A/N ok end of chapter 1 tell me what you think. Explanation for all the thunder, I’m bored, it makes it eerie and pretty at the same time and I’m sick of having to wait for the stupid thunder to show up like they have forecast for the last few weeks. I have exams, lots of coursework with deadlines that are approaching fast and some family issues that may get in the way of me writing the next chapter very fast, I’ll get it up when I can as I don’t particularly want Doodles and Alternate on my back so I’ll try to get it up within a month but I can’t promise. 

~SilverShadow


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